Dear mom, Camp is great

I'm dizzy sleepy. I've been up all night, it's 5:30 AM. The van leaves for Ampara in 2 hours.

After not having internet the last weeks, I felt like i've needed to connect, and have been up all night writing proposals, trying to get in touch with contacts for this or that, dealing with my own neglecetd life. It's funny- even here, halfway around the world, not getting paid anything, I'm still staying up all night at the computer, doing all that I can.

The last few days in Colombo have been a dream. I savoured my sushi, frappecinos, and hip hop on friday night. It was difficult to leave the towny Matara, at the same time I couldn't get out of there fast enough. There were tears when we left, there was also a strange anger I felt from the people in the camps, as if I had abandoned them. Somehow I didn't feel the need to tell them beforehand- I just told them the day before. I didn't think it would matter. We had found a nice local to take over our job, a nice man who would be able to understand their needs and get people to help them much more that we could. But when Priyanka was sobbing, or when the children at Dondra camp chased us to the van....I felt sad. As much as you try not to be emotionally involved, you always are. No matter how strong your front is, if you are there, you are there. Your eyes and your ears go directly to your gut and your heart.

I leave for my new assignment in Ampara tomorrow, it's the most devastated part of Sri Lanka- 14,000 dead, 200,000 displaced people. There are very few organizations there because it is very rural, and not comfortable for foreigners. It's in the southeast. it's a muslim area. Did you know that muslim women have to stay in their homes for 4 months and 2 weeks after their husbands die, so now that they are coming out their tents for the first time since tsunami,. Also, since they have been in their tents, men have been taking advantage of younger, more vulnerable girls. Widows also cannot remarry. Men however, have been remarrying after their wives have died in the tsunami, and just leaving their children from the first wife somewhere, but still taking money from government compensation for single family households. Now there's a huge amount of alcoholism, violence, and suicide in these camps. I will be there the next 6 weeks. Women aren't allowed out after 7. Got all my clothes to cover until wrists and ankles. LTT, TRO, military. May not have internet and phone access is irregular. I will be staying in a nursing home, the only available accommodation near the IOM office.

I'm not as nervous about as I was 2 weeks ago. The sheer mass what needs to be done was daunting and vast, but now I feel like it's a place I can just start running and don't have to stop. Or maybe I'm just swept away in the momentum of this work, my life and my projects. There's alot going on, and there are some really amazing projects in the works here (outside my work with IOM), the kinds of things I have always dreamt about doing, the people I have always wanted to meet, the places I've always wanted to visit, the Wanna I've always wanted to introduce, the stories I've always wanted to tell. I feel like I am at the threshold of my life's work. And it all happened so fast, in the last place I expected it to happen, and without the plan I had drawn. Not with school and awards and a good resume and making contacts and getting good experience. It happened when I got thrown out of my home (again) and went on vacation. Funny how it all happens.

I've rediscovered my love for my friends and family. When I was in LA i was always too busy for this or that, and it's funny that out here, without any kind of distractions, i feel like I've been more in touch with my loved ones though thousands of miles away. It's also been amazing to see who really your peoples when you're so far away, and just need a little sugar, or even alot of help. I guess i've also learned to ask for it- which is all new when you think asking means you're weak because you can't sort it out yourself. I've found solace in knowing what I cannot do, and how it still can be done.

Leaving Mirissa the other day, Asonka said to me, in such simple, quiet way, standing at the gate,"Be strong, do good."

Back to the camps.